Heads up this is a rant and super long so please just bare with me while I type this essay

This month Mark's 5 years of trying!

I have had terrible endometriosis since the age of 16 (I'm 27 now) I've had 21 surgeries in 10 years and 2 iuis. Every time they go in it's all over including on my bowel, bladder and rectum and it grows back so damn fast as well. I've lost a tube due this and The last surgery I had was right before we moved to another country and my doctor at the time promised me this would be the last Operation (he was a fertility and endometriosis specialist) and that he was certain I would get pregnant shortly after

Fast forward a year and a half later and I know it's back. I bleed for months straight, like 109 days some times , I'm ALWAYS in pain and even my bum bleeds sometimes (TMI sorry)

I have literally tried everything from vitamins to new diets to fertility lubes everything except <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVf</a> (which we just cant afford right now as we have arrived in a new country and are still trying to build our life up again) - we moved from south Africa to New zealand pretty suddenly to get away from the insane crime after 2 pretty horrific events that happend in a 2 month span

We were goint planning <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> before we left and then the money we saved went to moving

Most days I can push through and say to myself that it will get better and it will pass but today I just lost it

I have been trying to track for 6 months and between all the bleeding I Never ovulate. This month had just been impossible, I finished my period 4 days ago and then this morning I woke up in such pain and in a pool of blood and to top it off I threw up all over myself.

I just broke

I'm always battling with something whether its bladder infection every other week, bleeding so heavy I have to wear maternity pads, constant nausea or having 24/7 diarrhoea I just cant catch a damn break. What is even the point of trying anymore

I just need some sort of positive vibes my way I'm so over this all. How do you stay positive???

I just want to crawl up in a ball and die :(