I’m so sad because I thought I was doing so well as I’ve gone to get help regarding my mental state. I suffer from anxiety, depression and OCD and I’ve been on antidepressants for nearly 2 months now. I’m also currently on a waiting list for counselling.

I’ve recently been made redundant from an apprenticeship so I’ve decided to enrol for uni which I start this month. This made my mood change as it was something to work towards but everything is collapsing again. I lost a WHOLE group of close friends a few months ago because I was so numb and sad most of the time and they knew how I felt and they chose to abandon me. I don’t have any close friends at all now. I try to contact people and I get ignored and it hurts so much.

A year ago I finally got out of a situation where I was being emotionally abused and made to feel constantly guilty by a boy who i wasn’t even in a relationship with. We were more than friends though but I eventually told him I had feelings for him and even though he didn’t care at all he decided to pretend and use that against me like a weakness. He made me feel I was always wrong and I was desperate for attention because I was so lonely. He would say such horrible things to me when I would go to someone else and act jealous even though he wasn’t. It was all a game to him and I was so naive. I lost a best friend to this boy as she chose to remain close friends with him. I found out she told him everything, even the things I said when I was an emotional wreck because of him.

My mental health has completely taken over and I feel I cant live life to its full potential. My depression, anxiety and major trust issues and fear of relationships have made it impossible for me to date so I’m a 19 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend who makes me feel good and happy. I have no effort for anything, I don’t see the point as every good thing always ends. My mental state is preventing me from pursuing my dreams. This is not the life I imagined as a child and it’s so heartbreaking. I look at other people my age and it hurts so much because I want to know why I didn’t get to live my teenage years like that. I’ve completely wasted my teenage years because of mental illness and I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to live like this forever.