Help. Me. Please.

I used to smoke marijuana for depression and anxiety. I’ve had it for 11 years now. Started smoking almost 3 years ago. I’m almost 7 months pregnant so I obviously can’t smoke anymore. I started self harming again. How do I stop these feelings without needing to smoke?

- I am in therapy for 6 years.

- can’t do meds as I’ve tried handfuls of them and none of them worked due to the fact I am genetically chemically imbalanced and can’t afford the chemical I need to properly function. ($700 a month)

- I’ve tried coping mechanisms and can’t seem to find one that helps

-have no friends. Boyfriend is a p.o.s to me. Can’t vent to him.

-my family doesn’t believe in mental health problems. Which is a croc of shit cause they’re all types of fucked up too.

I’m really trying to stay strong for my baby boy but I know I won’t last long. This isn’t a sympathy post or anything. I seriously have been struggling for so long and can’t handle it anymore. I want to fucking shoot myself.

I feel better after hurting myself because I know how fucking worthless I am. I know how much of a burden I am. And I definitely know I’m a disappointment/disaster.