I’ve been seeing a guy lately, and I’ve recently realized how much he looks like my rapist. He has the same facial features as him, but softer. Much softer. His laugh even sounds almost similar. His eyes have the same shade of blue and it’s now painful for me to look at them. He knows about my past, he’s a very kind and gentle person and always gives me time, space and assurance when I need it. He’s a beautiful person but I can’t help but feel the panic form deep in my chest and get scared. I don’t know what kind of sick joke my brain is playing on me to make me want him but its also therapeutic in a way. I have control. I am choosing this.

He is not him.

He is not him.

He is not him.

But I will still keep my pepper spray in my nightstand.