Unsure of long term relationship

I’ve been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for almost 9 years, we are now in our mid-20’s. I still don’t know where I stand between us. He consistently says things that refer to us being together in the future like “When we have kids...” but would also say things like “When you have kids with someone...”.

Then he would say something about “Would you want to get a house like this someday...” But then would talk about getting his own place but it being an individual thing and not together. One day he was actively seeking apartments without telling me. But eventually he let me know and told me “I want to live on my own, would you visit me.” I was surprised that this was something he was serious about but it was obvious it wasn’t something he wanted to include me on. (We don’t live together)

I tried to bring up the conversation about us in the future but it never happens. I can admit I’m bad at being direct about this conversation because I’m scared of what will be said. He sometimes gets mad easily when I bring up certain things and I want to avoid triggering an argument. Therefore I ignore it, and I continue to let it affect me.

I don’t believe that he should propose to me, just to let me know he wants to be with me. I would just like to verbally know if he sees me more than a girlfriend. But the things he says makes me feel like he’s not sure if he sees me in his future.

Am I overthinking about this? What are some ways I can bring this up? I realize that I’m at a part of my life where I want to know if my relationship will work or if it’s time to part ways.

284 views • 2 upvotes • 7 comments

COMMENT (7)

As

Posted at
9 years is a long time. You are just going to have to blatantly ask. When he refers to someone else comments, call him on it. Say wait it won’t be your baby, our house?

Ro

Posted at
I was with someone like that, except I didn’t tip toe around his feelings, then I left. It was the best decision I made for myself.

An

Posted at
9 years?! It’s time to shit or get off the pot.

An

Anon • Sep 14, 2019
Definitely! If you’re not sure after 9 years that means it’s not meant to be.

Ro

Rose • Sep 14, 2019
Big time!!! Time is valuable, he’s not the only potential partner that exists.

H

Posted at
9 years is a long time to be playing a cat-and-mouse game... Firstly, you seem to be a much nicer/more considerate person than he is. Especially if he gets mad over stuff that you DESERVE to know. That said, I vote that you part ways. But first a sit-down is definitely in order, and you cannot back down from the questions you have. It may feel “mean” in a way, pressuring him to ask, but it’s not. You owe it to yourself to know where your friggin’ life is headed, you know??And keep in mind, that if his answers at the sit-down are continuously, adamantly vague, it is definitely time to move on, no matter what he says to you. If he cannot decide one way or the other, make the choice for him - to leave. For your sake, so you don’t waste your life away. I’ve been where you’re at and learned to make the choice. I don’t want you to stay and get hurt like that.I know, it’s a long time you’ve had together (sort of), but you’ve got a big life ahead of you! One that’s worth more than that high school/college bs.

y

Posted at
For him to say things like that is so odd. And for him to want to live on his own at 9 years seems weird to me. I'd have a major sit down talk. Get serious. He can't just say "I don't know" it should be straight answers. What does he want? He shouldn't string you along if he isn't serious. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.