I’ve been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for almost 9 years, we are now in our mid-20’s. I still don’t know where I stand between us. He consistently says things that refer to us being together in the future like “When we have kids...” but would also say things like “When you have kids with someone...”.

Then he would say something about “Would you want to get a house like this someday...” But then would talk about getting his own place but it being an individual thing and not together. One day he was actively seeking apartments without telling me. But eventually he let me know and told me “I want to live on my own, would you visit me.” I was surprised that this was something he was serious about but it was obvious it wasn’t something he wanted to include me on. (We don’t live together)

I tried to bring up the conversation about us in the future but it never happens. I can admit I’m bad at being direct about this conversation because I’m scared of what will be said. He sometimes gets mad easily when I bring up certain things and I want to avoid triggering an argument. Therefore I ignore it, and I continue to let it affect me.

I don’t believe that he should propose to me, just to let me know he wants to be with me. I would just like to verbally know if he sees me more than a girlfriend. But the things he says makes me feel like he’s not sure if he sees me in his future.

Am I overthinking about this? What are some ways I can bring this up? I realize that I’m at a part of my life where I want to know if my relationship will work or if it’s time to part ways.