What drives a person to suicide? The number one reason?

Feeling alone even if you’re not physically alone. Being alone in your thoughts and head. Having the ones who are there next to you constantly tell you over and over “just chill” “well, stop thinking that way” “why can’t you just be happy”

I’ve struggled with depression since I was 15, and had my first suicide attempt when I was almost 17. I didn’t eat enough pills though and that’s the first time I started therapy. Met my ex husband at 17 and he became physically, sexually and mentally abusive when I graduated HS and moved in with him four hours from family and friends. I stuck it out for four years until I was 21. Got pregnant with my first child after my divorce. The father left when I was 3 months pregnant and I thought about going the adoption route, but I went back to therapy and got into church and became a single mom.

Four years later I met my second husband, and we got married after five months. I became a stay at home mom 3 months later to his two and mine. Now 9 months pregnant, I’m thinking adoption. I hate being a mom. His kids walk all over me. His oldest puts her hands on my bio and she’s twice my bios age and he never corrects them. He’s always working and never answers his phone or texts... what if I went into labor? I’d (will) be on my own with this baby too. His last day off we were going to my weekly on checkup and he told me he was talking to his sister about how he always wanted two kids and then he got a third and now a fourth but he’d never divorce me no matter how “crazy” I am. I said I know you wouldn’t because the child support you get would just come straight to me and you’d have nobody to watch your kids. I don’t know if this is pre-postpartum or if it’s just one thing on top of another but I feel so alone . I had a seizure at 29 weeks pregnant and I’m getting induced in 11 days. Haven’t been allowed to drive since so I’m always behind these four walls and just want to run away.