recently i have been depressed and i feel very alone. i am 20. i have been struggling with my mental health where sometimes i feel like i am falling behind. i’m struggling in my life as far as finding a job is concerned, driving, finishing college things like that. it’s hard when i have parents that are super super overprotective and controlling my every move like i don’t even try to trust me enough to let me go somewhere on my own, like say if i wanted to go to the movies right? and if i tell them can i go by myself? they would say no. i feel like a prisoner sometimes and my sisters feel the same way as well. whenever people come over to my house, they ask me and my sisters how do you handle all of this, i say idfk. i have been applying to different part time jobs but nobody would hire me (i never had a job before so finding some place to work is extremely difficult) i have been busting my ass to try to drive and get my license but never could have the money to pay for practice classes. right now in college, i’m taking speech class online and idk if anybody has this anxiety but i am always afraid to speak publicly in front of people but i do understand that it’s life and that there’s nothing i could do but suck it up. which sucks. because i tend to stutter whenever i get really nervous for something and usually people make fun of me for it. sometimes i feel like life for me is very shitty. i barely have any friends in real life to hang out with. i am always hanging out with my bf but it’s like i wanna put myself out there again so people can meet me but at the same time, do people really give a fuck? do they really want a chance to get to know me for who i truly am? i am always getting hurt by fake friends who always want something from me and i sometimes question myself that why does this shit always happen to me? it’s kinda like a cycle that doesn’t stop. it’s like history repeating itself.

i just feel so very exhausted physically and mentally all the time and i am usually the person that always puts other people’s happiness over mine because i CARE that much, probably more than i should be.

idk why i feel the way i do but i do and idk how to change it or get better from it. i want to move forward with my life and be positive but part of me has very low expectations because i am always getting let down all the time due to my family making bullshit promises to me.

it’s all just a lot and ik many people have different experiences and that’s just the way life works these days..

i chose to basically rant out my feelings so i could feel somewhat better and maybe other people could relate to how i feel, maybe give me advice? 🤷🏻‍♀️ who knows? maybe make new friends? idk. only time will tell.

thank you to those who actually read my whole rant. you are appreciated.