I was only 16 when I met him. I bought him everything, I took him anywhere he needed, I put food in his belly, I would do anything for this boy.

He was different, he made me feel alive, he was the one.

I turned 17, in my state that was legal age to move out (Missouri) I left with him. I disobeyed my family for him. I turned away from everything I ever had for him. Because I L O V E D him. Didn’t I?

We made it to North Carolina, we stayed with his parents.

They made me feel special

I was happy

But then one morning happiness got questioned.

I wasn’t allowed to wake him up until he was ready to get up

I wasn’t allowed to have my phone

I wasn’t allowed to speak to my family without him listening

I was questioned. A lot.

When I wouldn’t answer right away I was pushed up against the wall

When I wanted to cuddle up because I was missing home I was literally kicked off the couch

When I wanted to leave a location but he wasn’t ready to leave I was spit on

When we laid in bed he made up this game, “see how long you can last” while he covered my nose and mouth not letting me breath

When we would argue he would break things

Please tell me why the boy I love and would do anything for would do this to me?

But he must love me, he wiped away my tears. He told me that he was so sorry and he would never do it again. I believe him when he says that because whenever you love someone they tell you the truth.

But oh no, he’s yelling again. He’s grabbing me again. He’s yelling in my ear and spitting on my face again. He’s punching the wall by my head and breaking things again. He’s leaving bruises on my arms and legs again.

Please tell me why I didn’t leave.

18th birthday came along. We were back in Missouri. I gained trust back with my family. He did not like that. I was his and no one else’s. But, when he’s with me girls are constantly blowing up his phone. Why can’t he be mine and no one else’s?

Please tell me why my love wasn’t good enough.

Please tell me why he needed sex from other girls whenever I would give it to him whenever he wanted.

“Oh I missed my period. Hey babe let’s take a test? Oh look! Two lines! Babe I’m scared I’m only 18.”

“Try drinking alcohol.”

“What? No I would never.”

Please tell me why it was still okay for him to put his hands on me with our precious baby in my stomach.

Please tell me why he kept screaming at me when I told him that stress could hurt the baby.

I left. My child was the only thing that was more important and I could not risk losing my baby. I’m now 19 with a crazy baby daddy. I spent two years of my life with him. I’ve learned all the lies and actions of a lying piece of shit.

Please tell me why I am 19 and heart broken over a new boy who just did the same thing to me and who is literally at a girls house right now as you’re reading this.

Please tell me why I woke my 6 month old daughter up just to hold her tight in my arms just so I could have the slightest bit of comfort.

Please tell me why I feel so pathetic.

Please tell me what’s wrong with me? Why do I do this. I’m so fed up with myself it’s unreal.

****** I just needed to vent but whoever reads this all, I’m not trying to make people feel sorry for me. But if you’re going through the same thing just trust me when I say time Is the input thing that will heal you.******