I remember when I was a whopping 125 (I thought I was fat) lol I used to skateboard everyday, that’s a full body workout. I used to box on a regular and be dripping wet with sweat. And that’s what I did to be active. I’ve battled my entire life with depression and anxiety. But this wave of depression right after a break up I had was terrible. I stopped eating, and then when I finally did eat again, it’s like I couldn’t stop. My whole life I always had a curvy figure, but I loved it. Then, the purple stretch marks appeared (don’t take this wrong. I don’t find them disturbing or unattractive. I just started seeing changes in my body and really didn’t like how fast it was happening)

The stretch marks appeared in bright purple on my thighs and hips. My stomach wasn’t flat anymore like it once was. And after I graduated high school, it’s like it escalated from there. Now, I wake up every morning sitting right at 150 pounds and 155 in the middle of the day. I get upset when I talk about how I’ve gained and people “skinny shame” me and say oh my gosh shut up you’re not even fat. And yes, I’m not fat but I’ve seen changes in my body, I’ve gained weight, and I no longer love what I see when I look in the mirror. I’d be lying if I said I don’t spend half my time crying when I look in the mirror or shaking my head because I blame myself. Hating what my body looks like has made me just stop trying all together. Most days I feel like I look terrible. Everywhere.

I walk around just imagining what people think when they look at me. I never want to leave my house. I feel like I embarrass myself and everyone around me.

Side note: my mom used to weight about what I do now, now she’s a size 2. Every time I’m around her she tells me about my stomach and tells me how I should diet. And if I’m being honest, I don’t feel like dieting would make me happy. It’s not what I want to do. I’ve talked to my friend about this and she believes my mom is body shaming me in a low key kind of way. She guilt trips me every time we go out to eat.

Anyways, I’m just trying to love myself. Im just wanting opinions and similar stories that could possibly show me I’m not alone here. I just want to love myself again and feel sexy again.

Help!

***Disclaimer***

No this is not attention seeking, these pictures are for reference and are in a timeframe. In the pictures at the time I was confident in that moment.

Thanks