Nobody understand me young. Everyday I put this fake ass smile acting like I’m okay. I got people tht care asking me if I’m good and I answer with a “yea” man but lowkey I’m dying it’s a fuckin feeling in where whatever I fuckin do I always end up getting hurt. It hurts me man seeing him with someone else is hurts me. I would give anything to have him with me for him to be with me for us to almost reach our one year but ik tht it’s toxic and it ain’t right yet I’m so stupid tht I wanna go running to his arms. Now everyone tells me thts stupid everyone tells me he ain’t worth it yet he was to me he still is to me. And I never rlly had the chance to let it out uk I cry here and there but it’s like whatever it’s not even fully letting it out bc idk why I’m mad idk why I’m sad all I got is this pain in my heart these thoughts in my head and they getting out of control. Things with my family aren’t any different, my mother is honestly the only thing I have and she acts like I’m not her child. I get cussed at and kicked out everyday. People play with my feelings like it’s nothing. We got immigration issues in which we can control anymore. My grandparents are sick. Yet I can’t break down I can’t bc everyone depends on me everyone expects me to be good everyone uses me as they moral support but who rlly knows what’s going on. My real dad man I went to El Salvador and I prayed tht he would look for me bc he knew I was there yet he didn’t he couldn’t even call. It hurts me young I have so much going on so much in my head. School I’m scared I won’t graduate I’m scared of what ima do once I graduate what it the military ain’t for me. I have so many thoughts in my head and it’s not right I’m lost man I’m in a lost place where idk where I’m standing or what in the world I can do to help myself. Where I do everything and anything to try and be happy yet I find myself crying every night, I find myself doing things I’m not supposed to do. Everything tht makes me happy has just been pulled away from me has been token away and once again I’m alone I’m alone without anyone I don’t k what to do I don’t k how to fix it bc I don’t k myself what I have going on and it’s so so much man I just can’t do it anymore.