So I’m a senior in high school and my good friend who I’m so in love with is a sophomore in college. So months ago we planned to have sex and be friends with benefits. I was okay with it because I wasn’t getting a boyfriend anytime soon and I was a virgin and all my friends weren’t and I felt left out and I didn’t wanna go into senior year being a virgin. Also for some reason I thought “well this would give us a chance to hang out and he could see my personality and like me back”(I know I’m so stupid). So after months of not having an opportunity , we would talk a lot and I was catching harder feelings. But he made it clear before that he didn’t want anything to do with me other than sex so I was like okay😢. Eventually I told him I can’t do this anymore since my feeling were growing and I didn’t want to become attached if we had sex. He was really understanding and told me he still wanted to be friends. But me being a dumb bitch, I literally fucked him a week later. And then I fucked him again...and again...and again. Now all I can think about is him and sex. I really want to be with him. I’m so loyal to him and we aren’t even dating. I know he’s messing with other girls and it makes me cry all the time and I know he’s allowed to but I just love him so much that it makes me upset. And then I look at his ex girlfriends with their long straight hair and pretty eyes and then I look and me and see why he wouldn’t want to date me. Oh, mind you I’m black and he’s white if that’s relevant. So what do I do about this situation because I have no idea what to do with myself.