I’m crying in the middle of the night

(Trigger warnings for depressive thoughts)

Some years back I was suicidal and would try to do self harm. But whenever I tried to cut over the toilet or sink, my cat would could up and rub up against me and meow at me and sniff at my arm or the razor. I felt so bad already but my cat would snap we out of it and I can’t help but be so grateful to her now.

Thinking about it now makes me cry so much I can barely see what I’m typing.

I can’t help but think about what would have happened if I followed through. How drastically different my life could be.

I also can’t help but think back to the time a put a blade to my throat in my room. I could’ve easily cut across and bled out on the floor in silence. The only reason I didn’t follow through was because I had just gotten out of the shower and was wearing a towel. I didn’t want my parents or sister finding me dead on the ground in only a towel. I snapped out of it and got dressed but I never got back to it.

Which I’m incredibly thankful and happy that I never did. Thinking about how much I would’ve missed out on, and how much pain I could’ve caused makes me break down.

So now I’m sitting in my bedroom crying while writing this. Trying not to make too much noise.

If you’re having the same thoughts that I once had. Please. Please don’t do them. It WILL get better. You WILL get better. You can do this, I know you can. Please hang on tight and don’t let go. You may not think it, but the world would be so much more lonely without you in it. If you need to seek help, or feel even the tiniest sliver that you should reach out. Pleas do! Please please please! I’m begging you! Seeking help shows your strength and just how amazing you are. I love you, we love you. Please.