Hi guys. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic symptoms. (I hallucinate and have delusions, etc.) I’ve been having a really hard time lately, and just got out of a month and a half long manic episode, and I feel like I dropped. I feel like my mind can’t function. I’m almost constantly hallucinating and Ive never felt so numb & empty. My mind is racing 1000 miles per minute, my mood is fluctuating like crazy. All I want to do is drink and do destructive things to myself. I can see that it’s affecting the people I love. I don’t believe that I need inpatient care, as I am not a danger to myself or others. I do think I would benefit from some sort of outpatient program care. I’m scared my family will judge me for my struggles. They ostracized me for my past hospitalizations, and pretends like it never happened. They said I was “better” than those “people” in the hospital and I’m not like them. They say I don’t belong there and it’s a misunderstanding. My family has such a bougie view on worth and feel that it’s shameful and unacceptable to take medication for things other than depression. Their behavior upsets me and makes me so scared that if I talk to my dad and say I need help, he will treat me like I’m less, and restrict me from normal things, even though I’m an adult. That makes me want to ignore my struggles and just pretend that everything’s okay. I just started graduate school and my life is going great. I should be great, but I never felt so low. I’m scared that I’ll mess up my future and lose my tuition if I chose to get help. I didn’t do a good job at wording the way I feel, as I believe that words can’t describe now I truly feel and how I am doing. I don’t want to kill myself, and I want to make that clear, but I’m scared my dad will place me somewhere against my will. I just feel tormented by my mind and the voices and I can’t escape.

My question is, when is it an appropriate time to ask for help?