I had a baby a year ago and I’m still STRUGGLING. I always thought I was meant to be a mama, I thought I would be perfect and have everything done...but this is not the case and it really gets to me.

***now I know this is long, but if you have time I would really appreciate you read it so you understand where I’m coming from and maybe you can give me some tips to help. I’m kinda desperate at the moment 😥

I struggle to do anything. I literally don’t shower, I don’t get dressed, I wear the same things all day and nice most of the time, I don’t brush my hair, I hardly ever brush my teeth in the morning, I usually do before my husband gets home, I hardly eat or drink, and I can’t even think about putting makeup on. I struggle to cook everyday. Even for my son. I used to make homemade everything from scratch (I used to LOVE cooking). But for a little while now I hate it. I don’t have the energy or the brains to even think about what to make anymore. I dread it. Half the time I don’t even do it. I thought about mean planning; but then when it came to it I was way to tired to even do it. It’s like I’m unmotivated to do anything?

I have all these plans/ideas, I’m constantly researching what to do for my son activity wise such as sensory play and developmental activities. But when it comes to it I never do it because again I can’t make a decision on what activity to do, I can’t decide what supplies to buy (I literally add them to cart then panic about money and never buy anything) or I just don’t want to... I don’t feel like it, I’m tired. This results in me feeling like a horrible mother!

The only floor I keep clean is the bottom floor (main floor). Everywhere else is A DISASTER!! Like I’m talking clothes on the floor everywhere upstairs, diapers everywhere, etc. It’s super embarrassing and it really bothers me, but I just don’t have the motivation to do it. By the time I clean downstairs im exhausted. Laundry just sits in the baskets for a week until I finally decide to put them away. It drives me nuts that it’s a mess!!! It makes me feel like a horrible person/wife.

I have to literally force myself to do something and it’s like I can only do one thing a day or else I’m exhausted. I am very snappy too because of everything. I have panic attacks lately and just freak out. I can’t stand my son screaming or crying, if I don’t get something right away that I want done I cry and freak out. It’s really bad. I’m screaming at my husband a lot now. I never used to do this. Another thing that drives me nuts is I’m so forgetful, stupid, indecisive, and just have MAJOR BRAIN FOG. I literally can’t think. I lose everything. I say the dumbest things or just can’t use my brain it feels like it almost hurts to think. And I can’t make any decision. Idk if I want to eat something, if I want to go somewhere, if I want to buy my son a certain outfit or not.

Idk what’s wrong with me lately. I’m so tired, angry, and burnt out and unmotivated and just feel sick all the time. Headaches everyday. I just want to lay down in bed all day. Idk why I’m so overwhelmed.

I find myself always looking at other moms on social media (people that I went to school with) they look so happy, their homes look clean, they don’t work, they actually get ready in the mornings, out makeup on, wear nice clothes, and it just makes me feel a million times worse!!!

I feel like everything is getting worse. I need ideas and tips please. Any advice on how I can keep up with anything would really help! I’m not working and I don’t want to at all. I can’t imagine how I would feel adding work on top of all of this. But I have to start up my home daycare, I don’t have much of a choice right now. But I’m just worried. I need help guys!

Thanks so much in advance 🥰