Virgin fingering themselves...

So I’m 18 and still a virgin. I’ve been masturbating since I was 12 but I have never fingered myself. I want to but every time I try I get nervous and I’m automatically turned off because of it taking control of my mind. Sure, it’s new, but I’ve done anal masturbation just fine! A pit grows in my stomach and I feel sick and nervous and it’s awful... I try to take deep breaths and relax but it doesn’t work.

Why do I get like this? I’ve nearly been raped before... so could that be part of the reason why?