A little backstory...

My sister and her husband (in their late 30s/early 40s) have 4 kids under 8. He works, she’s a stay at home mom and homeschooler. They both have struggled to pay off debts and be debt free since they got married, and they finally made it.

They both have anxiety and control issues, and recently he started having a bad pain in his chest. He’s gone to several specialists and been scoped, scanned, and xrayed. Doctors tell him it’s just stress, but he keeps saying that there’s something wrong, even though they can’t find anything.

Since he started having issues, so did she, mainly GI. Shes seen specialists for nearly every system, and they haven’t found anything either. She’s since been taking CBD oil and is, in her words, “manageable”.

Now, they’re both going to have medical bills rolling in. He has insurance but I’m not sure how good, or what their deductible is. But they are bracing for having to go into debt again for their bills. Our dad estimates about 10 grand.

The husband insists that she send the kids to public school/daycare and work a full time job. This violates her values and, frankly, pisses her off. She’s convinced she can homeschool and work nights. Meanwhile, he insists he needs weekends off to fish and camp with his brother.

Since this happened, my sister and her husband have been telling two different stories to our parents about what’s going on. Someone isn’t being truthful, and it’s driving my parents crazy. They want to help, but any advice they give my BIL he ignores. And so now they’re not saying anything because he’s stopped talking to them... even after going to them for advice in the first place.

My dad has his own design business and I’ve been working for him for almost 10 years. My husband is an engineer and I work part time for my dad and another company. My dad suggested that I train my sister to work for him for some extra cash, replacing me, since I have another job. I agreed.

As soon as I started training her, I didn’t realize that she hasn’t been on a computer in at least 5 years. So we’re starting literally from nothing. Shes super smart and focused, but it’s going to take months before she can work sufficiently on her own and make money.

The work itself is a little spotty - there hasn’t been any for me for the past two months. It’s also design work which - for me, with my decade of experience and no children - takes on average 15 hours to do one job. She has 4 kids, under 8, at home.

The problem is, I can’t say no and tell her that this will probably not work for her. It’s spotty pay, requires dedicated time with no distractions, and isn’t as much as I think she thinks. But if I say anything, I know she’ll get pissed.

My husband suggested running a small at home daycare, since she already has her younger kids. Or even teaching part time at a program a friend of mine (with the same degree as my sister) worked for. It’s one day a week and pays $600/mo steady.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m going to continue training her, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to work. I asked my dad to train her too, just so he sees that.

So, in a nutshell, HELP. My husband and I are in debt even more than them, and we dealt with 2 grand unexpected medical bills last year. It’s not even that they’re struggling, it’s that they don’t want to make any monthly payments.

How do I gracefully back out of this? Or can I even do so?

UPDATED: I said they were not struggling, but I just spoke with my mom and apparently they are pulling from their savings to even put food on the table, and can’t pay fully for their bills each month. So they are in a really bad financial place.

The question still remains of if I should tell her that she won’t be a good fit for this position, or if I should just let her work at it for 6+ months of me training her and let her find that out herself. It’s my position, and I’m willing to lend it to her, but idk if she’s ever going to reach a point where she won’t need the money and I can start working again.