Last Monday I went for my first ultrasound, I was supposed to be almost 9 weeks. There was no baby, only a yolk and gestational sac. I was dated at 5 weeks and the tech told me to wait to hear from my doctor.

I waited, sad but hopeful, for 3 days and when I hadn’t heard anything I called the office. The nurse told me that my US looked great for 5/6 weeks and the doctor wasn’t concerned. The doctor called the next day, Friday, and asked how I was feeling. I explained that I had been spotting off and on for weeks (which I had reported at my first appointment and the nurse told me it was normal). He put in orders to get a quantitative HCG, my first numbers were 2881 and my number on Monday was 2984.

Met with the doctor today and they told me it’s unlikely my pregnancy is viable. We have an ultrasound scheduled Thursday to confirm there has been no growth.

I feel so sad and crushed, and waiting to know for sure that my grief is valid feels awful. I hate this waiting..