Break up

I’ve got a 2 month old baby the baby’s father leaves us all the time, he walks out the door and dosent come back all day and he gets back late at night, he’s 50 years old Jamaican and I’m 30 years old white, he tells me I’m white trash all the time, white people are bad in his eyes, he’s so racist, anyway he walked out again this morning and haven’t heard from him since, it’s gonna be a long time till I do, I know this because he’s done it to many times!!he don’t do anything fir the baby he don’t help with nappies, milk shopping, bills!! So why am I heart broken over him, why am I crying my eyes out over someone who don’t care about us, he even said I’m corrupted for having a baby he didn’t even want. I’ve been with this guy on and off for nearly 10 years so it’s hard, how would you cope with this