I’m having a really hard time lately. My dad hasn’t really been around since I was 7. Him and my mom had a very rocky divorce and it affected me and my sister very much. My sister was a daddy’s girl for sure, but I’m the opposite. I’ve always been closer to my mom and my nana. I had a hard time being around my dad when I was younger, all he really did was drink, or take us out to bars to basically show off to his friends that he had kids. And that was about it. But whenever his weekend came around I really tried to stay with my mom, and I hate admitting it, because I want nothing more than to have a good relationship with him because he’s my dad. But everytime he calls I dread answering, or I dread calling him. Every phone call ends with my sobbing at the end. He’s always expressing his disappointment in where I am in my life. I’m 21, about to be working 2 jobs, saving for my first car, living away from my mom with my boyfriend. And I’ve been becoming genuinely happy, I’ve started working out again and he used to tell me things like I’ll always be big so what’s the point in working out? It “runs in the family”. Apparently so does being an asshole. He’s even started bashing my SO, saying I’m under his mercy and everything I do is for him. Which isn’t true, may have been in my last relationship. It was very toxic. But I’ve learned and I’m still growing and learning and my SO is so lovely and good for me. And yet my dad makes it all about him? It’s all about what my dad envisions my life being about, that this is all “beneath me” but there’s nothing I would change about where I am or who I’m becoming. I’ve been working towards the woman I’m supposed to be. My sisters wedding is next week and I’m dreading it, all because I know my dad is going to make things super uncomfortable and tense with my SO for no reason other than “he’s not in his good book”. All because my SO couldn’t make it down to see him when he was visiting. Not that he really wants to either, he knows how poor of a father my dads been and it’s caused him to not like him. I don’t even want to tell my bf about the phone call I just had with my dad today because it’ll make things more tense. But this man has literally done the utmost for me, always makes an effort with my family. And my dad just makes it about himself even though he’s the one he up and left us. He visits once a year for a couple days and it’s just because this is where his friends gather for a paintball game. I’m just at a loss because everytime I try to just have a good phone call with my dad, or a good visit it just turns into me being attacked. I’m working so hard to be better, to lose weight, to get a car, and then eventually school. But he expects me to have everything figured out now. I feel so awful for thinking bad about my dad, but at the same time he’s proved so many times to me that he’s not that good of a person. I know I can’t avoid him at the wedding, I just feel so shitty. This is supposed to be a happy time!! I’m so excited for my sister, but I’m also so stressed about the idea of being around my dad. I shouldn’t be scared to bring my favorite person around my dad. I shouldn’t be worried about how much my dad is gonna drink and how he’s gonna act. I’m just so thankful for my mom, she’s sitting us at her table and she loves my SO. And she told me no matter what she has my back. I just hope my sister has a beautiful, drama free wedding.

I don’t know if our relationship can ever be salvaged, I’m just so tired of being treated like the disappointment of the family when I know I’m not. Sorry ladies for the long post, I’m just so upset, and I needed to rant

I know we can’t choose our parents, but I don’t know how to deal with him anymore. I recently gained my backbone but it doesn’t keep him from berating me. And it doesn’t feel right to write my father off either. I love him, I’m just so so tired of the way he acts and treats me