Period rant :(

Hey, I’ve never really posted anything because I tend to get TMI. But my cramps have been so bad I feel like I need to rant.

Ever since I’ve had my period, I find that I’ve had 7 day periods and the 2nd and 3rd days are always a living hell. The constant bloody mess makes me feel really gross and sometimes ugly, my emotions get so out of whack, and I’m just in general miserable. But the real problem is my cramps. I get them so badly I’ll be in the kitchen filing my hot water bottle and trying to stick the pain out for just five minutes but the pain just gets worse and worse and I’ll end up curled up on the floor, sobbing and swearing and praying and trying to regain strength to finish my task.

I hate that I can’t get through my cramps. It makes me feel sometimes that I’m not womanly enough - getting my period does make me feel feminine but when I can’t make it through the simplest of tasks without having a cramp breakdown it makes me feel like I’ve failed at being a woman and that just messes me up more.

My teachers and I struggle with this as I can’t sit up straight for more than a minute (it’s very hard to get to the bathroom to change my pad) so school is pretty much impossible without regular breakdowns and Advils and nurse visits to lie down and bathroom visits to curl up on the toilet seat, and really it’s just constant misery and I don’t learn anything at all, so I end up having to stay home and to me it makes sense that if I can’t stand for five minutes straight I shouldn’t go to school. It seems inhumane to force me through school when I’m in so much pain.

My teachers think otherwise, though - my male teachers don’t sympathize and think cramps are just bad nausea, and my female teachers think that if they can get through it then so can I. They’re not happy if I miss any school of course but I can’t do school when I’m like this!

Talking to people about it is a problem for me as I tend to get upset about the grossness and go into detailed rants about that. I don’t have many close friends right now, and the people I feel I can trust with anything are my wonderful girlfriend and my amazing best friend. I do talk about my period with my girlfriend because she obviously can sympathize, and she’s great about it and gives me constant physical and verbal affection and brings me heating pads, Advil, chocolate, cuddles, pretty much everything I could wish for. However, I feel nervous about discussing the gory details with her as she probably doesn’t need to know that and I know my fear is unjustified but I worry that she’ll get grossed out or find me unattractive if I talk about that. (I know in my heart she won’t, but it’s just my paranoia speaking.) That causes more worries because my girlfriend and I are very open with each other - we don’t believe in not talking to things or hiding things from S.O.s because if you can’t trust the person you might spend the rest of your life with, it just seems like it’s defeating the purpose of a serious relationship. We trust each other with EVERYTHING and so I’m worried about not being completely open about my period struggles.

About my best friend - it’s a bit complicated there because he is a boy, and does tend to like to have boundaries. We’re also very open with each other - we know everything sex-related and we tease each other about fetishes etc and really if we ever have problems with sex related things we go to the other. There’s no problems with being comfortable with talking to him about physical stuff.

However, I’ve never mentioned my period to him because he does have boundaries (I know most of them but in a couple topics I don’t know exactly where he draws the line and this is one of them) and a TMI filter. I know that he would definitely do things like run out and get pads or Midol or chocolate, and he would be very good to me about not asking me about period-related emotions (when a girl is mad and you ask if she’s on her period is one of the rudest things ever in my opinion) but I just don’t know if he’d be comfortable talking about my cramps and I probably wouldn’t mention my flow and so on. I should probably ask him up front, shouldn’t I? I just don’t want to create an awkward situation haha.

Anyway, I think that’s pretty much it. I’m curled up on the couch in Day 2 right now, and I have to make lunch for myself and my siblings now, so wish me luck that I won’t collapse haha!

If you have any advice on the cramps, girlfriend, or best friend problems please do share it with me. I’d be happy for some solutions.

All y’all uterus owners are so strong, good luck with your own periods. You can do it girl, if my wimpy self can you definitely can!

💖