Bipolar depression...

I’m kinda well I am at the end of my rope here I don’t know what to do anymore. I need help and I am woman enough to admit it. I am trying to hold myself together but it’s not working myself and everything else is falling apart. I need to be back on meds and talking to someone but I can’t afford it. I am honestly tired of crying myself to sleep, always being stressed and jumpy, always being unhappy and tired. It’s taking a lot not to turn back to drugs after 4 years clean. I am tired of the pain I am constantly in. Then I go through these moods where everything is great I can take on the world it sadly short lived cause I go back to where I am now. After everything I’ve been through I want nothing more than to get better for my family so I can be a great wife and mother. Does anyone anyone at all know how to help my situation? Is there a way to help me get better without me spending a lot of money I don’t have???