How to teach someone about sex when you don’t even know yourself!!!

Edit: Oops was kind of in a hurry while I wrote this so to clarify, my husband is 40 and I’m 26.

My hubs is a little older than me (14 years) and we’ve been married 2 years. We have an 18 month old as well. We’re an odd pair, but he’s a wonderful husband and daddy. We’re totally committed to one another.

However...

Our sex life is just a tragic mess tbh.. I have no other way to explain it. He doesn’t get hard on his own, only with hand jobs or BJs. He never gets off from a BJ or hand job though. Is it a thing for a man to be hard and then go semi soft inside you and still cum?

I always, always initiate. He could go the rest of forever and never have sex unless I say, “Let’s have another baby.” Then he’d be so game.

He didn’t even know a woman’s anatomy... I was virgin when we met and yet I’m having to tell him everything. He’d had sex before so I thought he’d be educating me. Not the case.

I don’t like sounding so negative, but I know that having a fulfilling sexual relationship with my husband is important to me. I’ve told him and he seems receptive, but I really think he has no idea what mean and I’m going to have to run the whole show. He’s willing to give things a shot (positions, toys, etc), but we’re so awkward and I’m sure my own body consciousness has a hand in it..

Damn, I’d just love for him to take me down, you know? Just completely take advantage of me, pinning me down, ravishing my body.. I don’t think either of us has experienced true physical pleasure that comes from being connected to another person.

Not sure what I’m looking for.. just feeling a bit blue at the possibility of never having sex (or really any physical touch) the way I wanted.