After my assault (now almost hitting the one year mark), my life fell apart. It kept me from attending school, it caused me to retreat and hide away in my room, it pushed me away from people and make me irritable.

Now, I don’t feel like myself. I can’t make myself interested in anything I used to love, I feel like I just want to curl up in a ball away from society, being around anyone except for my mother and my girlfriend gives me the worst anxiety and dread. My girlfriend of 2 years mentioned “Recently it’s felt like you’re there, so I don’t know what to do.” along with “It feels like you’re absent.” But I don’t even know what being there feels like anymore. I feel like I lost all of me when I lost my freedom in some mans hands. It’s confusing and heartbreaking when I realize I am absent, I’ve lost myself and all that I loved. And it’s so hard getting back to being normal, every day I get worse, every day. I feel absolutely hopeless, I’ve lost myself, all connections, I’ve lost school, I’ve lost my drive. I just want to feel something again.