PTSD from traumatic birth?

Question

I had my first baby 7 weeks ago and ever since then I can’t stand to think about my birth experience. It was incredibly traumatic to me, I wasn’t laboring on my own or with pitocin. My water broke at midnight and I wasn’t contracting until well into the afternoon after I was given pitocin. Even after the pitocin my body couldn’t get in the rhythm of contracting effectively. I didn’t get an epidural until 17 hours into my labor and by the time I delivered my water had been broken for 24 hours. On top of not laboring well, my baby’s heart rate wasn’t well the whole time I was in labor. My nurses kept running in and flipping me from side to side every 15 minutes for 24 hours. Even after the epidural I wasn’t able to rest because of this. 
The pain of the contractions before the epidural was so excruciating that I was screaming and crying for help, I was suffering very deeply on an emotional level as well as physically. Even after the epidural I could still feel intense levels of pain and I was told that the epidural simply “wasn’t going to reach” where I was feeling pain. This was the complete opposite of the birth experience that I wanted. I felt so out of control and that the pain of my labor was happening to me instead of feeling like it was a natural process.
Delivery was absolute hell. My epidural completely stopped working everywhere except my legs and my baby was crowning for at least 20-30 minutes because she was stuck. I was literally screaming like you see women in the movies do, I’m sure the whole ward heard me. I tore badly and it formed very painful scar tissue to the point where even at 7 weeks pp, it hurts to sit down or stand for very long. After I delivered nearly hemorrhaged and was in the hospital for nearly a week. My placenta was stuck and wouldn’t come out on its own so my OB had to literally reach inside me and pull it out. It was so stuck that my uterus nearly came out with it. It wasn’t even 12 hours after we were released that I was in the ER for a suspected blood clot and I also ended up needing a blood transfusion. 
I’m so ashamed and embarrassed of my labor and delivery experience. I have flashbacks of it all and it nearly sends me into a panic attack. I see pregnant women and I feel so scared for them. Before I was pregnant I had wanted more children but now I can’t stand the thought of it. I could never go through that again. I’m so stressed and panicky all the time and it seems to be getting worse and worse. 
I have no idea how to cope with this and I’m not sure where to even begin. I’m not sure if I should call my OB about it because I’m so embarrassed. I’m too ashamed to even talk to my husband about how I’m feeling about it. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is PTSD after childbirth something that can happen? I feel so alone and isolated, any advice or words of comfort would be greatly appreciated.

Answer

This all sounds incredibly traumatizing and would be totally fair to have ptsd after this. You should seek therapy related to the ptsd. I understand you might feel ashamed but, from the outside looking in, that is probably depression trying to talk you out of seeking help. Your experience is valid and this sounds like it was very harrowing. There is nothing wrong with you for being traumatized, that would be a normal reaction to this situation. Your health as a mom is more important than what anyone thinks about whether you “should” be ok or not. Seeking help will make you more healthy and that will strengthen you as a mom. Sending you love 💓

Answer

I couldn’t help but cry for you, that sounds terrible and I think you’re having a perfectly reasonable reaction to it. I would encourage you to reach out to someone- your doctor, a therapist, online support group and open up to someone

Answer

To answer your question: yes, you can absolutely get PTSD from childbirth. It sounds like you went through a very traumatic experience. I’m so sorry that your birth experience wasn’t positive. I just had my first baby and my experience was very negative as well. I would recommend talking to your OB and seeing if they can recommend a therapist who deals with childbirth trauma/ptsd/postpartum depression.

Answer

Why why in the world are you ashamed or embarrassed? That makes no sense . But I’m so sorry you went through that ordeal. I’m pretty scared of my impending delivery myself . Anything could happen to anyone. Millions of women die while in childbirth it is a trauma - why couldn’t they give you better pain killers ? They couldn’t even give you marcotics with what you went through ?