I got pregnant in March, had my first doctors appt. with ultrasound set up for May 6. I was very excited, my parents and my boyfriends parents were all super happy to finally become grandparents. He was excited to be a daddy. He would lay his head on my lap and just rub my belly and smile. That first doctors appt they checked for a heartbeat and couldn’t find one. So they had an ultrasound done and the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks, but my body held onto it until 13 weeks. But it was gone and they worried about my health so they sent me for a D/C surgery on the 8th. I barely survived the surgery, I lost 1/3 of my total blood volume and I couldn’t stand up, walk or go to the bathroom on my own for 24 hours before getting a blood transfusion. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I took a test for giggles just to see, my period was maybe one day late. It was positive. I got bloodwork done and they said it didn’t look viable. The day after, I passed the tissues on my own and bled heavily with cramping. I was devastated both times and just as heartbroken now. My doctor just recently found out that both of my ovaries are covered in cysts like “chocolate chip cookies” but it’s not PCOS. So my outlook for children is not looking so well... I feel so empty every day. I feel guilty and insecure and I miss being pregnant, I miss my babies 😔