I feel my marriage has really come to an end.

After months (realistically 3 years) of constant ups and huge downs, trying to work through things and make everything better, counseling and all, I really feel like it's over. We have hit a brick wall and I'm certain there is no going back. We literally cannot agree on anything and everything turns into an argument, which ends up very hurtful. Often a lot of verbal, emotional and even physical alterations.

We have tried therapy and we have even written these things down and every time I think it gets a little better, everything comes crashing down again. For a long time now everything has been blamed on me. I know I have my own faults, which I work on daily, but I have become so insecure about them as he is constantly pointing my faults out, even though he knows how hard I am trying to work through everything and improve in any way I can. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man, and I love him to bits, but the bad is just outweighing any good, day in and day out. He has massive problems which he refuses to speak out about, but takes it all out on me. He constantly justifies treating me badly because of things like putting on makeup in the car and being sensitive (the way I have always been). He says I annoy him and that's why he lashes out. He screams at me, daily, so much so that I have had ear ache on the side he sits (while driving) for the last 4 weeks. He once asked me if I would like some tissues to soak up my sensitivity. He said I am the most insecure person he has ever met in his life and that I cannot even deal with my emotions.

These kinds of things, amongst way worse that has been said, comes up in the heat of an argument but I honestly cannot get over how my husband, the man who is supposed to love me and respect me, can say things like this to me. I feel like we have tried everything and that I can't carry on like this amymore. He no longer makes any effort and when he does cook or do something, he will first seek recognition, then use it against me, telling me it's an inconvenience to do those things "for me".

I thought having a baby would make me feel less lonely and give me a best friend (I don't really have friends and my family is on the other side of the world - literally). I realize now that I definitely wouldn't want to bare a child when this is how I am treated already. I don't know why I thought that could change anything.

I don't want to be with someone who has no respect for me, who doesn't understand (or at-least try to) me and love me for who I am - emotional or not. I always feel shit about myself based on him labelling me and getting so angry at everything and anything. I am scared to leave, and I am scared of how I may miss the idea of how our relationship first was for the first 6 months of the 5 years we have been together.

I am really needing some solid advice and guidance? Please no judgment.