I need to leave him. I absolutely can’t take this anymore and things are “good” right now.

I have been with my boyfriend, and child’s father, for almost 6 years, on and off. It’s been an awful relationship but we both stay. I stay because I can’t get the strength to leave and stick to it. He doesn’t let me go because he doesn’t want anyone else to have me. He’s told me that himself.

He is manipulative, emotionally, verbally, mentally, borderline sexual and physically abusive to me (and his family). And I hate the conflict so I just do what he says and that’s that. I do love him and he has been good to me here and there. But I’m so tired of it. I don’t want our 3 year old daughter to grow up and be me.

I want to leave by this weekend. It should be simple. We don’t even live together because he doesn’t want to live together. We have keys to each other’s places and I’m terrified he’s going to show up because he’s done that before. He won’t just let me walk away. He has to tear me down to nothing so I just give up on trying to leave and stay. I’ve tried to be civil, Ive tried to tell him we don’t even want the same things in life.

He says the only reason he won’t end it with us is that he is comfortable with me, “loves” me, and he would rather me be with him and miserable than be with someone else and happy.

Maybe one day I’ll get the strength to leave. I hope so. I literally feel sick to my stomach when I think about spending time together these days because I know it’s not what I want. I can’t block him because he will use it against me if he chooses to go to court for our child. I can’t make him forget where I live. And it terrifies me.