So today we went for our dating scan at 10w4d. We had conceived after loosing our ectopic baby last 11/10/18. My first period was July and we fell on first time around. We were so happy but dubious, we went for a scan at 6 weeks to ensure everything was in the right place. It was however it were early doors so only the ges sac and yolk sac were seen. We paid for a private scan the week after and saw baby’s heartbeat at 5w5d. We were reassured. I have felt shocking the passed few weeks, had days off n even been to the doctors but was told it’s just pregnancy. We got up excited but nervous this morning went to the hospital expecting to see our little baby bow 🌈 however was told the baby’s heart had stopped beating, stopped growing about two weeks ago as the baby measured 8w. I am broken, I have never wanted this baby so much, and now I’m sat home knowing my lifeless baby is in there still connected to me and there’s nothing I can do. Our baby hasn’t come away naturally and now I’m at risk of infection, therefore Tuesday I’m booked in to be put to sleep and our baby removed 😢😢😢. A year to the date we lost baby b we have this dreadful news. We had planned our pregnancy announcement to tell family n close friends but instead I’m telling them the sad news and wishing my life away for Tuesday to come. I know it sounds awful now but I just want baby out so we can lay her to rest with her sibling. I’m so drained, so tired, so fed up. I’m desperate for a baby, this baby, out baby, but it’s not going to happen, all our plans, the future changed in an instance, I feel like I can’t go through this again so it’s never going to happen. We are so blessed we already gave two beautiful healthy boys but it doesn’t change the fact we lost two babies, two of us, I’m empty, Incomplete and feel lost. Putting on this brave face for the kids and my partner but really I just wanna go to bed and sleep or get on a plane n run away.