FOREWARNING: I am never getting pregnant, which I have accepted. Unfortunately, I still think about pregnancy all the time.

I have always been extremely curious about what pregnancy feels like from beginning to end. I want to know what it’s like to feel the fetus kick and move and to see how my body changes throughout the duration. I’m not scared about the idea of giving birth; I just wouldn’t want a c-section because I want to know what vaginal birth feels like. I want all of this, but I know I don’t want children. Most children annoy me and once they reach a certain age (even just 2-3), I get nervous around them. I’ve heavily considered being a surrogate, but you need to have had a viable pregnancy to be considered for that responsibility. I would never want to go through a pregnancy knowing I was conceiving to give a child up for adoption. To add to all of this, I don’t technically want to pass on my genes. It feels like a no-win situation. I have been grappling with this dilemma for 6-7 years and I can tell it may go on for a lot longer!

UPDATE:

I just want to make a few things clear because I think there was some misunderstanding.

1) I take bringing a child into this world very seriously so I would not do so lightly and just for the experience. Especially knowing that child was not actually wanted. That would kill me and I don’t ever plan on being pregnant without knowing I was truly wanted that life responsibilty.

2) I know being a surrogate seems to satisfy this apparent urge for myself and I would be happy to carry a child for a family who cannot do so themselves. It is truly just not an option unless a surogacy company is okay with me being childless.

3) I don’t know I am even able to carry a child. So if I am unable, I would accept being a person without children.