If not allowed delete then. I’m just venting

Well my MP is home he was a 24+1 ... he’s been home for two weeks , my son is my world and I feel like I should always be on guard. I had a traumatic delivery and the Nicu stay was just more traumatic ...

Around the same time I heard we were going home my brothers girlfriend became pregnant .

I usually tolerated her watching my every move for 8 years ... but since I was pregnant and I was living with them... she was very mean to me pregnant and always had some things to say to me even I could tell she was jealous . Like I was fat and even when my water broke spontaneously and I was screaming for help she was in her room and turned her music up. She was just brutal to me and I would tell my mom...

Now that she is pregnant and she couldn’t wait to get pregnant she wants attention like I got and my mom is giving her that attention of course because it’s her grand baby. But I would have had no problem with it if she had never made a remark that her pregnancy was different and that it was not gonna end up like mine and that my baby isn’t normal. I spent so long in the NICU and almost died on the table 3 times ... I’m going to feel some type of way... but my mom says it’s wrong for me to keep my baby away from my brother and her and that I’m toxic to my baby and to the family. I’m only trying to keep my son away from people who are negatively impacting me and I already deal with depression and axienty so I don’t need this... I’m Hispanic so my parents think I should get over it and that my feelings being sad are stupid ... idk how many night I stay awake just to watch my son is breathing or think I’m going to die... anyways ...

That’s where I’m really messed up in the head and I really hurt and my mother can’t seem to get in her head that I don’t want her to be around my child or even my brother because he doesn’t believe how cruel she was to me. He wldnt know because he worked nights... his girlfriend would constantly smoke and stress me out . But my mom defends her that it was my body that malfunctioned because I had PCOS .... I was perfectly healthy 😞

Not only that my mom ... I keep asking her not to send pictures of my son to people (grandparents) that are toxic and treated me bad even when I was pregnant and I continuously ask her not to and she still sends pics to them anyways.... and now I have ex boyfriends who have got a hold of them and I know it them because the named they called me by (Isabel) and just said my baby was cute...

I feel so guilty and I just really want to leave my moms house since she is helping me ... and I’m living with her right now. I want to keep my son away from them and not look back because nothing but negativity on me and I know my baby feels my stress... I’m just waiting for my Husband to get us an apartment, we were waiting on a house but this is too much to handle....

I don’t know what to do and if my feelings are right to have or I’m just being sensitive... I hide my feelings pretty well but this is eating me up ... I feel like my parents are trying to take rights from me and my son . And all I’m doing is protecting him... I will tell people no and get away from him ...

I don’t know what to do... I’m just venting I really don’t have anyone to talk to my husband is always working and I don’t want to stress him out...