Should I feel bad
For not wanting to go to marriage counseling?
Here's my story,
I met my husband in 2015. Things moved very quickly and we were married in 2017. As soon as I signed the marriage certificate things changed. We were fighting more, and some other things that I just let on as marriage growing pains.
He started isolating me from family in the very beginning but I didn't see it. I had no choice to spend every holiday with his family and only seeing mine for maybe half an hour before he would make me leave. I tried several times to get our families together to remedy the situation but there was always an excuse. Isolation got worse over the years. If I said I didn't want to go somewhere with him he wouldn't go see his family by himself he would sit in the house and put, making my night a living hell with shitty remarks and awkward silence as he played on his phone.
I started getting distant. I didn't want him to touch me, I didnt want to have sex. He would make me do things I wasnt comfortable with or would make me feel bad if I didnt do them. He would whine and throw a tantrum if he didn't get his way.
He lost and quit jobs, then spent money while I was the only one working on a $350 grill. My last day at my previous job was the day I knew I was done with my marriage. It was pouring the rain and i had to clean out my desk and take things to my car before the end of my last day. I got soaked and we lived 7 minutes from my work. I asked him to bring me a change of clothes because i was wringing water out of my shirt and was freezing. He refused saying he was at his mom's watching a basketball game and didnt wsnt to run all over the county. I couldn't leave work or I would have gotten it myself.
I had done everything I knew to do to be the perfect wife. I catered to his every need yet he couldn't do one thing for me and I never asked anything of him. All of the things that had been happening finally came to light. I knew I couldn't live this way. I'm still so young. I wanted a partner not someone I had to bow down to 24/7.
There was more that happened over the years but that was the main pieces, isolation and selfishness.
I left and he offered to help me pack which hurt. I tried to work it out he always played my feelings down and wouldn't listen.
Now he texts me about once a week. Saying he wants me to come home, try therapy. My thing is, I've been gone almost 6 months. he hasn't seen me or heard my voice since I left. Honestly I'm happy where I am. I have no desire to go back. I'm waiting on extra money to file for divorce because doing all of this on my own is financially hard on my income but I am making it work. I know that my feelings would never be the same. once I lose my love for someone it is gone and i know this. I dont miss him. For once I've been able to take care of me, have fun, trying to make friends. i feel like j got myself out of a bad situation and i dont want to go back because he isn't any different.
I was too young. Love wasnt enough to make it work because all of the effort came from me. I feel free, I'm not self harming anymore.
Am I wrong to not want to work it out?
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.