I’m going to try not to ramble here;

So I got pregnant for the first time at the beginning of this year. I found out like a week before my birthday, and confirmed it a couple of days before my actual birthday. Unfortunately the following week I also miscarried. It was all so sudden I was in shock and then complete devastation for a few weeks, but ultimately I didn’t feel like I was “ready” anyway, although it made me super excited to find out I could get pregnant. My fiancé and I have never used condoms in our 3 years together and this was the first time I’ve ever been pregnant, so it felt nice to know that there wasn’t something wrong with my body! Anyway, fast forward a couple of months and I find out I’m pregnant again! This time we’re actively trying, having sex regularly, etc. In April I go to the OB, I get all my progesterone tests done and the first week goes just fine, although I was steadily bleeding the whole time. It got brighter and heavier when I did anything but lay in bed. Then, again, about a week later I find out I’ve miscarried for the second time. My doctor had noticed my progesterone levels were hovering around 6-7 when then should’ve been 11-12, but didn’t prescribe anything to see if they would rise naturally. So this time I’m absolutely crushed and I genuinely feel like something is wrong with me. I turned 28 in January and I explained to my fiancé that 27 or 28 was supposed to be my dream year to start my family, and now I’m let down because I’ll most likely be 30 or close to it with my first child, if I ever even get to that point. So now that I know, officially, that I have low progesterone I’ve invested in some progesterone cream and have been making a better effort to use it during the 2 weeks a month it’s recommended so it can kind of boost my sex drive. I also found out that low progesterone can be the culprit for lower sex drive and weight gain, which I also experience. It’s almost the end of the year and I’m feeling less and less motivation to “try” again because I can’t shake the fear of what might happen if I do end up pregnant. I have avoided my opportunity to have sex for the entire week I was ovulating this month and now I feel angry at myself. I’m hoping someone else has been in a situation like mine, or at least can give me some form of advice here. I’m yearning for motherhood more than ever these past couple of years and I don’t want fear of the unknown to keep me from that!