This photo was taken 03/13/17 at 12:02am. Sitting alone in an empty tub with runny mascara stained hands. I had just worked up the courage to take a pregnancy test after being a week late. Next, I had to work up the courage to remember how to stand and then to remember how to speak in order to tell my husband. Scared shitless, shaking like a leaf, but equal parts..thrilled? A moment absolutely like no other.

I lost this baby less than two weeks later. This baby I never knew I wanted and needed. This baby I profoundly miss but never met. This baby who upheaved my whole world and my whole heart. This baby I see often in my dreams to this day. This baby that made me a Mama first. This baby that set me on a path to my Sun. This baby I owe both my deepest hurt and my fullest joy.

This baby.

❤️

Holding space for all Mamas of loss today. You are all my heros.

🙏🏻