Hey girls this may be all over the place because I’m just very confused on how I feel at the moment..

So a bit of a back story I’m 17 and have 4 other siblings, my parents are split and have been for a few years.. but I don’t really get along with my father and haven’t for a few years however I still “see” him as he comes to visit my siblings (he won’t speak to me because I remind him too much of my mother - yes these are his own words) and two days ago I found out via my mum that my dad has a large tumour on his heart and is undergoing heart surgery to remove them tomorrow. I’m conflicted because he has had no place in my life for the past few years and at first that bothered me but now it doesn’t affect me too much however now there is a real possibility he may die (this is from the doctor who will be preforming the surgery) and although it won’t change my life dramatically because I don’t see him anyway it saddens me for two reasons: he has known about this for a little while and didn’t have the decency to tell me/ it didn’t make him want to change things with me and two if he dies there is no chance for us to fix our relationship in the future..

I also start my HSC tomorrow (for those who don’t know what HSC is it’s final exams for Australian Year 12 students after completing Year 12 and makes up a final mark to help them get into University) and this is just adding more stress