On Friday Oct 11 we went in for a private ultrasound to hear our baby heartbeat. I was 8w1d. As I lay on the bed excited to see our little gummy bear. We saw baby with a strong heartbeat of 169 and just flickering away. The tech was was trying to get the baby to move but baby wouldn’t. I didn’t think anything of it. So we went on about our weekend. Took our 19 months old to the carnival/pumpkin patch.

Monday morning I called my OBGYN to schedule an appointment and they were able to get me in same day. I get there all excited to see baby again. Got in the room and prep myself on the bed to get the ultrasound done. The screen was so dark and unclear. I can barely see anything. As I try to find my baby heart beat. I couldn’t see any flickering or movement. My heart just dropped. I was like maybe the instrument is broken or there’s no sound. As the practitioner try to located one she couldn’t and got my OB to come and confirm. She said the same thing there’s no heartbeat. I told her we just heard a strong heartbeat at 169 on Friday. She said it must of happen over the weekend. How? Why? What happen? Did I do something wrong? Was it me? Did I cause it? She said there is nothing you did wrong. It just happen. Somehow I felt like I could of prevent this.

This didn’t make any sense. I had no bleeding or cramping. No signs of a MC. Apparently it is called a Missed Miscarriage which happens between 6-10 weeks.

I wanted a second scan to confirm there is no heart beat. I got another Groupon deal to check baby heart beat and it was the same result. No heartbeat. I wanted to be sure so I can decide what to do next. Have the whole process complete on its own naturally? Or get a D&C which that is what my OB was suggesting.

I know it can take up to weeks for me to pass baby. It just depends how on how your body react to the loss.

This is my second MC in one year. My first one was in March at 6 weeks and now Oct at 8 weeks. I am devastated and so heart broken. I don’t know how to feel. Yes I’m sad and wanted this baby so bad. I know the chances of a second MC is high with being 36 years old and my previous MC in March. I am going to take a long break and let my body and mind heal. Then we can try again when we are ready.

Happy healthy 9 months to all the mommy out there who is waiting to hold their baby.