Trigger warning!!!

Oct 2018 one of my favorite uncles passed

Thanksgiving 2018 another fav uncle passed

Dec. 22.. My papaw passed.

July 2019 3 days before my papaws bday my daughter was born at 18wks 2 days. We had learned the day before that she no longer had a heartbeat.

I was due dec. 14th 2019

My husbands bday is dec 19th.

Here we are mid october. An i want to christmas shop but i just dont have the holiday spirit... I miss my uncles an my papaw. An i was suppose to give my husband his first child for his bday an christmas. I was auppose to be shopping for 4 instead of 3... I know life doesnt go as planned an thats okay. But im sad an i dont want to shop.

My husband mentioned the other day that we should get something for our kids an put that it is from her... If i know anything about people. When mentioning something like that. They would like it themselves... So i ordered him something in loving memory of her for his bday... It made me feel better.. I dont want to leave her out.. I dont wamt her to be forgotten... I can buy the 2 what they want anytime. But my 3rd child... I cant... Shes in her final resting place for now... An i just want to give her a thombstone for christmas..

Heres to hoping i can...

I know this is just a litlle i guess but this stuffs been hard an i need to get my thoughts out somehow...