Last night I went to waffle house with a guy I've been kind of talking to. A year and some months ago was when we first met and I was head over heels for him, but I think he just looked at me as a hookup... he kinda played mind games w me and I acted pretty crazy so we blocked each other eventually and he went off to basic training.

Long story short, I guess we are trying things again the right way lol. When we would hook up, we wouldn't even have a conversation. He would come pick me up, we would go to his house and mess around and go to sleep. I've legit never had an in person conversation w this man and now that I know his character and how funny he is, just wow... but anyways.

Last night after we finished waffle house, my car wouldnt unlock (I have a remote key). It was FREEZING. This man cranked his car and told me to go get in so i could be warm while he stood in the freezing cold trying to fix MY car. After he figured out the issue, we were chilling in his car and things started getting kinda heated lol...

We were kissing and he was sucking on my boobs and it was feeling amazing. I was so turned on. We got in the back seat and he got on top of me.. his clothes ended up completely off and he had taken my pants off. When it came time for him to stick it in, he went to pull my panties to the side and I grabbed his hand and got tense (my ex raped me and I occasionally have random flashbacks that lead into panic attacks and it makes me feel nauseous), but i pulled him back in and we kept kissing and he told me to put it in this time.. I couldnt get the nerve up so he tried again. I felt my whole body shaking and I started crying and he immediately started saying "calm down calm down, we are done trying. Just relax" and he grabbed me and wrapped me in his arms and started kissing my head.

I was so embarrassed and I apologized and he was like "why are you apologizing? You did absolutely nothing wrong".. he wasnt mad, he didnt make me feel bad, he didnt pull the "weve done stuff before so idk why you're being like this now".. he understood and he made me feel so safe in his arms.

I just needed to let this out because I'm in total shock of how sweet this man actually is and how he comforted me.. in the past, when I've tried again with 2 other guys, they either took me straight home or they got mad and just sat there while I cried. I'm sorry this is long, but I woke up feeling very happy this morning lol

***where in this did it say we were just using each other for sex? This was our fourth date and the first time stuff has tried to happen since forever ago? I legit said "we are trying to do things the right way this time" gah🙄 and as far as the "we were toxic to each other"... do you not think people grow up and mature over time? I didnt include this because I didnt feel like I had to but he's apologized and told me he regretted acting like a f boy forever ago and I've apologized for the way I handled things forever ago.. yall turned a really happy thing for me into something negative and I'm annoyed🙄