So I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, and eating disorders since middle school. I’m a junior in college now and idk man. Like I’m really trying to get better and I’ve admitted that these things are problems but I literally just want to die every second of the day. I have a great life and am so blessed, but I hate myself to the core. I go to my therapist once a week and I’ll see my psychiatrist soon again too. I take Prozac currently and it’s good I guess. Lately I’ve been throwing up more and starving myself. It makes me feel better but it also makes me so irrational and irritable. I’ve also been talking to this guy for almost a year. He’s obviously not very interested in me but I’ve made the mistake of falling for him. It started off as FWB but I’m literally stupid so here we are. He never makes time for me even though he claims hes gonna try harder. I’m sick of it. I’m obviously not good enough for him and I wish he’d just tell me. I’ve given him so many opportunities to get rid of me but he always convinces me he wants me. I’m so dumb like I should have known. He says he doesn’t want me just for sex but that’s all we ever do. He’s always ditching me for friends and hanging around other girls. I’m just never good enough for anyone even though I give everything to them. I just want my love to be reciprocated. Idk why I make it so hard. Idk I wish I could just be gone. I’m tired of being a fool in pain all the damn time. I remember in high school being depressed and lonely as fuck but at least I was smart enough to keep my guard up and not let anyone in. I hate my emotions. I hate myself. I shouldn’t have let another man in especially because the first (and only other) one I let in literally sexually assaulted me, would watch porn while I was doing things to him, and would always blow me off for other girls. I hate myself. I’m literally not worth anything. This is almost humorous. I should have been born a fucking punching bag or sex doll or literal dirt instead of a person. That’s all I am.