Right now there are 15 miniscule pieces of life with my and my husband’s DNA growing in petri dishes.

Who are these people? Every one of them could become a person. What would they grow up to do?

If souls are a thing, do they have souls yet? They are three days into existence.

What would having 15 children feel like?

What if they all turned into identical twins - what would having 30 children feel like?

Imagine having 15 surrogate mothers, and implanting all of the embryos in the same months, and all 15 turn into identical twins, we could have 30 children who are all the same age. A whole classroom of kids that are all siblings, and the exact same age.

That won’t happen.... BUT....I could carry a few, and since I’m 37 I probably can’t carry them all, so after a few we could find a surrogate and just keep implanting them to see if they’ll take. And probably some won’t survive, but maybe we could have 4, or 5, or 8 even, all from one batch.

Maybe none of them will survive to blast. Maybe they all will, but the PGS testing reveals that none of them are genetically viable.

Maybe we’ll have 30; maybe we’ll have 0.

Are we mothers while our embryos grow in a glass? They fertilized, they are life. They aren’t kids yet, but they aren’t nothing.

None of the answers are as important as the wondering, I think. Just allowing myself to wonder about the miracles, of life, of science, of chance.

What else do you wonder while you wait?

Tags: <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>, retrieval, waiting, wait, patience, wonder, what if, motherhood