About an hour ago me & my husband got in an argument because my cousin suggested somewhere near our house that is hiring& he felt offended. My husband quit his job 3 weeks ago because he didn’t like his co workers My husband has this pattern where he starts not liking his job & he will start calling in sick multiple days in row or just stop going without making sure he has another job first. In the last 3 weeks he’s let 3 job opportunities pass him by. So my cousin trying to help offended him & he started being an asshole to me I was like okay he’s just upset whatever I was about to leave to the store & the baby was on the bed sleeping & he went to get in the shower but he went in the bathroom & slammed the door & locked it. So I go unlock it & I said why did you slam & lock the door like that I’m leaving & the baby is sleeping on the bed & he was like because I don’t want to talk to you your fucking irritating me just leave me the fuck alone & we started really arguing & he pushed me & sprayed me with the shower head. & I just felt soo little.. like a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe. & in that moment it was like I could hear every mean thing he’s ever said racing through my head & I just started punching again & again.. I felt like I couldn’t control myself.. I just feel so horrible now i don’t deserve my family.. I don’t want my son to grow up around arguing like that. I can’t believe I did that with him right there sleeping in the room.. I’m a terrible mother.. I’m sitting in my car in a parking lot I just don’t know what to do anymore I love this man from the bottom of my heart but I just don’t know if our relationship is still salvageable.. I wish I could take it back I should have never hit him. I just shattered my family..

UPDATE

My husband was calling me asking me to come home so I’m home now.. some of you were asking how I left things. After I punched him I instantly regretted it. I started apologizing & tried to talk again but I knew i just needed to remove myself.

As far as why I unlocked the door when he locked it was because I was leaving & our 3 month old was on our bed sleeping. He said he wanted to be alone okay that’s fine that’s why I was leaving & going to the store. I just wanted to make sure he could hear the baby if he woke up.

But yes most of you are right. This relationship is toxic he said he wanted to talk so I came home. In my heart I want to be with him so bad but I’m my mind I know this is not healthy & I know we should take some time apart to figure ourselves out but when I tried telling him this he’s like “ wow so you hit me & now your saying it’s my fault & your trying to break up with me “ I was trying to explain that I think we should take this break because I love him & I don’t want to hurt each other. But he was not taking it that way just saying “ I just want to be a family “ so I gave up trying to talk to him & make an actual plan of how we might be able to save our family because when I try to talk about therapy or something he gets offended. Now we’re sitting here together awkwardly trying to act like nothing happen & everything is going to work out. This is how all our arguments end & I just don’t see how well ever resolve any of our issues like this.. but I do know that what I did was 10000% wrong & I do need help. I stopped taking my depression meds because I felt better but I think it’s best if I stay on them for now & I’m going back to therapy next week.