Hi! I’m a military wife. Which means yes, my husband is gone, A LOT. It obviously gets lonely and difficult being away from friends and family. But he is worth it to me. He used to be my best friend, we were attached at the hip. Anyways, he couldn’t afford to move us to his next duty station because he has spent his money poorly ($200 of it went to a dumb vape.)I had to sell my car, my dresser, and a ton of my clothes just so we could make it here. And now any time I’m upset or tell him I just need a little bit of help from him he starts yelling and tells me I don’t love him and that I don’t give him attention yet I’m so young, and I’ve sacrificed everything for him, waited for him, and moved everywhere with him. (And was happy to do so). Well here’s a little back story (I don’t want pity), I have been raped twice. Once when I was 16 by a 32 year old, and once by his “best friend” when he left for boot camp. (Yes I have been to counseling, doesn’t make the PTSD go away obviously). He has ALWAYS forced me into having sex and when I don’t want to he makes me feel bad about it. He also is always throwing it in my face that I never start anything. I’m just not sexual and because obviously everything associated with that has always been negative. Additionally, now that I’ve gotten a little bit more comfortable, I don’t wear makeup as much. And I’ve been noticing how on days where I don’t wear it he doesn’t call me beautiful (not that I need to be called it, I just notice on days that I do that he’s always on me and calling me beautiful and gorgeous.). Additionally, we’ve been fighting every night. I love to talk and he just doesn’t talk anymore or tell me anything. He’s been locking the bathroom door on me and taking really long showers. (He has cheated a few times in the past, says he’s changed though and I want to believe it). He never asks how I am or what I’ve done with my day. I try to communicate all of this with him but he just sits there and gives me a grumpy look and it always ends with me having an anxiety attack which he thinks is his escape to fall asleep. When I have headaches he sings loudly, I pulled ligaments in my knee cap and it hurts to walk but he just watched me limp around the kitchen making dinner and laughed.😭😭😭I cook and clean for him and he gets mad when something isn’t perfect. guys I need help because I love him and he acts like he loves me but lately something has felt really odd, this isn’t like him. I ask him just to be honest if he’s seeing anybody or talking to someone and he always tells me I’m crazy. I am so fed up I almost hate him for taking me away from my family and all of my things. I feel so low I don’t know what to do.

UPDATE!!!: tried having another talk with him. Same thing except for it ended decent and then he got on his notes (on his phone) and asked me how to fix them because they were glitching out on his phone. So he uninstalled and then reinstalled and I was showing him how to make new ones and FOUND LOCKED FOLDERS and one’s title was “Taylor”. He had a list IN ORDER of all of the girls that he’s fucked. A couple of them being my friends and girls that he hung out with and promised he was just friends with during our relationship and then he had the audacity to try and tell me he didn’t know how those got on his phone and that he didn’t remember fucking a couple of them. One of which being ONE OF MY FRIENDS WHO CONFIRMED HE FUCKED HER WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER LAST YEAR! The thing is, yes I’m only saying the bad about him right now. He can also be one of the sweetest guys and idk I’m just at a loss right now and I feel so hurt and ugly and just..ugh.