Hey all,

I just feel the need to share my feelings, since I’m home alone and feel guilty.

It’s about gender disappointment. I know a lot of people absolutely don’t get it, and that’s okay, but it would be nice if I don’t get any mean comments.

First of all, my boyfriend and I strongly feel like we both want one child. That could always change, but it’s something we’ve been talking about for years. I really don’t see myself handling two kids.

I can’t explain why, but I really want a daughter (my boyfriend had the same feeling). Not because I like the stereotypical ideas of going shopping or wearing dresses and all that. Just a strong gut feeling. We have two beautiful girl names. One name is THE name for me. I had it in my head for years, so I was really excited when my boyfriend told me he’d liked it too for a girl. We never agreed on a boys name (I suggested tons), and when my boyfriend told me he liked a name I suggested before, I didn’t feel that enthusiastic since the name isn’t THE name for me. I like it, but it’s not the one for me.

Today we got the NIPT results back (in Belgium we have the possibility to check for the baby’s sex). All results were normal, so that’s really great. But yeah, the test confirmed it’s a boy. At first I was happy, then the sadness struck.

I know feeling disappointment is okay, but I also feel extreme guilt towards the little one in my belly. Like it’s not wanted or not loved (that is NOT the case). But I just can’t stop crying. It feels like some kind of loss, since I don’t see ourselves with two kids, and that means never having a daughter. The beautiful girl name I had in my head for years will not be used. I’m all into unisex when it’s about clothes, but I’m not planning on buying a dress for my son. All the cute dresses we spotted the past few weeks won’t be for us. It hit me a LOT harder than I thought it would, and that brings me to the part where I can’t stop crying.

How did you guys cope with it? I’m curious about hearing your personal stories. I could use a pep-talk. Or something like that. Some distraction for the fact I feel like a horrible person, even though I’m the first one to tell other people who were disappointed they’re not horrible, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad or disappointed. Yet here I am, feeing absolutely horrible because of it...