Wanting an epidural but a little scared

So, I’m due 1/5/20 and starting to think more seriously about my birth plan. I’m fairly certain I want an epidural for pain relief, but I’m a little nervous about it. I absolutely hate feeling high, or numb, or altered in any which way. I’ve had freak-outs from Novocain, morphine, etc. Painkillers generally disagree with me, mentally, even if they work physically. I still think I’d choose a mental freak-out over the physical pain of labor though and that I’ll just communicate everything ahead of time to my doula and try to figure out some calming techniques to use. Anyone have experience with this kind of dilemma?