My best friend told me she was going to start TTC in February. Unknown to her, my husband and I have been TTC for 18 months.

My heart dropped—she’s going to start.

And all I could think was: I need to get pregnant before she does. I don’t know why Its so petty. But everything in my spirit needs to get pregnant before that.

I need to know my struggle has been for a reason. I need to know that my body can do this. I need to know I’m not a failure. Before Feb, I need to know I’m good for something.

I say this knowing it may not happen for me. Feb, March, April may come and I’m still struggling. And she’ll somehow get pregnant the first month trying.

While I sit there, alone, peeing on sticks.

Thank you for listening to another woman struggling to cope with PCOS and infertility