I haven’t slept in the same room as my husband since the baby (2nd) was born 3 months ago, and I don’t want to. I’m mad at him. Mad that he doesn’t have to go through what I go through. Mad that his body doesn’t look disfigured, that he can eat dairy and drink himself to sleep. Mad that he doesn’t have to worry about emptying his breasts so that they don’t hurt or god forbid get mastitis. Mad that he doesn’t have to balance his life on 3 hour cycles and wake up countless times at night. Mad that he doesn’t have 101 things running through his head simultaneously of everything that has to be taken care and kept track of; thinking of what needs to be done around the house and for the kids. Mad that he doesn’t do anything unless I specifically ask him to. Mad that he doesn’t feel the need to spend his time learning how to parent, and that he thinks he knows everything there is to know. Mad that he gets mad when I try to sleep train our baby, forgetting how he thanked me profusely after our now toddler was trained. Mad whenever he brings up being intimate.

At the end of it all, I can’t help but think - am I just mad at myself? Why does all of this make me mad? It’s because I do all of this. I do this to myself. Should I just not do it, or not care? How can I let go. Feeling trapped in a cycle of anger.