Do you ever feel whole again after a miscarriage? I lost my baby back in April. My heart is broke still. Most days I'm fine but then I have days like today where I'm not. I was due November 20th.... I would be complaining about how tired I am right now and how ready I am to have this baby. Instead I'm really wanting to drown my sorrows in a bottle. I dont know. It has been a hell of a year and I'm ready for it to be over. My boyfriend gets upset I dont want to have sex very much. It's very conflicting for me, it's not that I dont want to part of me wants to intentionally pick days that I would probably get pregnant from the other part of me can't bear the thought. He doesn't understand and I don't know how to make him understand. (It wasnt his baby) Him and I had broke up for about a year. I starting seeing a guy and the first time we didnt anything I got pregnant. I found out I had a subchorionic hematoma. They are pretty sure it caused me to lose the baby. I found out April 12th that there was no longer a heart beat. I dont know how to move past this.