Miss abusive ex

I have a long history with this guy that was my first and still my only love. He had a crush on me for two years before I ever knew he existed!!!! Great going Liz. We quickly became my confidant and he was my best friend for years. He knew everything about me and still managed to love me. We flirted for years but when his close friend and I broke up (she was so sweet btw and not her fault) I got lonely and was looking for a rebound/4,20 baby. He confessed his love for me and I was over joyed having pined over him for a year! We were having a great time that night texting as we did every night till morning. Soon enough as all thing do with horny teens, shit got sexual. He was getting really creepy and vividly describing to me dreams he has had about ducking me! I got really uncomfortable really fast but he wouldn’t stop describing my naked body ( expectations were way too high btw) and I was telling him to stop but he wouldn’t. I then told my mom as I do everything and I ended up being forced to block him. We never talked after that despite our multiple classes together. I missed him so much a few months ago that I messaged him over pintrest. After all I was still in love with him. He apologized sincerely and profusely. We fell back in love and things got steamy over text with consent this time. He was amazing and things were amazing for 2 months. He then ghosted me for 2 weeks!!! When he came back he told me he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. He went on to say I wasn’t good enough for him, smart enough, thin enough, or pretty enough for him. I ended up crying and blocking him even though he said we should still be friends. I believe my exact words were “ fuck off you’re blocked btw”. I a week later regretted it and tried to get back in touch but he blocked me. I have gone through extensive therapy to fix the mental/emotional abuse him and my father were doing to me. But I’ve been having non stop dreams about him and miss him so much even though he’s done some terrible shit to me. I miss him so much and can’t stop thinking about him.