So we found out on my birthday earlier this year (3rd April) that we had had a missed miscarriage. We found out on 22nd Feb that we were 5 weeks pregnant following a dating scan. We then had another successful early pregnancy reassurance scan. But for my birthday as a present my husband bought us a scan to hear the heartbeat on my birthday but unfortunately our baby no longer had a heartbeat.

I haven’t ever felt pain like it and the surgery following was so traumatic, and it’s taken a long time to not just physically, but mentally recover. I have really struggled to talk to my friends about their babies and their pregnancy and when friends/family have asked me about trying again I have just said I’m back on the pill, even though I wasn’t. I just couldn’t tell them the truth - not really sure why I guess I just didn’t want the pressure or the continued asked “are you pregnant again yet”.

But we are now in the week where our baby would have been due, and it’s been a whirlwind of emotions leading up to it. I have been aware through this <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">glow app</a> and tracking my cycles that my due date was actually where I should have started my period. I thought ‘maybe it could be’. And it has.. I bought a first response test yesterday and did it this morning with my first morning pee and it was a very strong positive. My husband is over the moon and has said it’s a sign and our little rainbow baby coming to join us.

But I have been so, so low today. I’m absolutely terrified it’s going to happen again. When we found I was pregnant earlier this year we went straight round to my families house to tell them and to celebrate and today I haven’t been able to get dressed or even think about leaving the house.

I really don’t know what to do because although I feel a glimmer of hope, I’m terrified of losing another baby. I have booked in for an early scan on the 11th November (it’s private and by a lady I have become very close with from my previous pregnancy). I just wanted to hear how you all felt when you first found out you were pregnant again and how you managed your emotions? I really would appreciate any suggestions.. TIA xxx