Extreme resent for my dad it’s almost dangerous

I grew up worshipping the ground my father walked on, there was no doubts about it, he was superman but over the last couple of years he’s now the villain in my life, the soul reason I cry myself to sleep at night thinking I’m not good enough, will never achieve anything and have grown up developing a lot of issues and mental health disorders. I never realised it but for most of my life he was emotionally and financially abusing me, it was only till I sought therapies and help elsewhere that my therapist ended up seeing most of my pain and problems were caused by my parents or lack there of.

It didn’t really register till this year when I noticed the bullying got worst, the gas lighting, finical dragging and sadly then being thrown onto my own partner majority of the times for me to really see it. He bullies pretty much everyone, even people of authority, he sees real superiority and intelligence in himself over literally everyone. Outright will and does belittle everyone by saying he’s smarter, faster and just overall better/more intelligent and people just don’t understand, because they don’t understand, it means they’re slow and under him.

Aside from him as a person, the things causing other major life altering resent is that everything I was punished for as a child or even becoming an adult he now does and gets away with or sees no fault in? It eats me up a lot, he got me arrested for smoking weed when I was younger (not legal in my country at all even now) and now he smokes it, especially in the house, where I once did so and was almost made homeless over it. I sought attention from the wrong people and got into trouble and now he does exactly that? Meeting strange and abusive women online, inviting them into the house where it’s not safe for the rest of us living there. Tells me every single month about how much he hates his parents because they were awful, so awful he couldn’t even tell them he was being abused in a boarding school yet, here I was being sexually abused by my own sibling under our roof, under his nose whilst I was ages 3-9 years of age, he didn’t know and takes zero liability for how he didn’t watch me and let this sibling take all the bathing, feeding and caring of me to the point the abuse was only found on the off chance my school noticed weird behaviours in me. Is this behaviour normal of a parent? I really don’t understand? I’m confused on whether he loves me or is just using me to keep the household going and his loneliness at bay, I’m the only person in his life who stuck around. I’m starting to wonder if it was a huge mistake, one I’m now paying for with extreme suicidal feelings and hatred.