Halloween is tomorrow. I always get extremely down this time of year because of two traumatic events. In 2011 My father was committed into a mental hospital, and two days later my uncle (mom’s brother) committed suicide. I have had anxiety/depression/suicidal ideation since the first grade so this trauma resonates with me to my core.

My friend of 7 years is having a Halloween party, and I just don’t feel up for it. I feel like none of my friends have been there for me even though they know about these events and they haven’t even reached out. Maybe I’m thinking too much into it, I know they have their own lives. But it would’ve just been nice to hear, “hey how are you?”. I posted about dissociating these past few days and shared a quote about trauma. And no one checked up. I just feel so alone right now.

As much as I want to love this season, it’s difficult. This year has hit me so much harder than previous years. My sister is having a Halloween thing at her house and I’d rather just go spend time with my niece. And maybe go over to my partner’s house and have a low key night. I’m not ruling out my friends party entirely, but it just seems like a chore.